Divergent Brains; Harmful Pains.
By Amy Wizard-Ponter. Repelling Forces Often I feel there are repelling forces at play when it comes to neurodivergence. There are those who embrace
Divergent Brains; Harmful Pains.
By Amy Wizard-Ponter.
Repelling Forces
Often I feel there are repelling forces at play when it comes to neurodivergence.
- There are those who embrace it, advocate for claiming and owning it and proudly celebrating it.
- There are others who seek to question it, lessen it and adopt harmful narratives related to it.
- There are some who create dangerous disinformation and misinformation about it.
- There are some who promote a complete reconsideration of what it actually is, potentially upending years of research in one fell swoop.
There are other groups too. Other words, other intentions whether good or bad, other variations on what seems to be a progressively more complex and endless list of themes!
Conflicts Galore – of mind and beyond…
If you are an autistic person like myself, you likely struggle to filter anything in this terrible mess of noise! From:
Embrace your neurodivergence, you have unique capabilities, you are amazing…
To:
Autism is a deficit, a disability, a disorder…you are flawed.
Then:
You are just hypersensitive. Perhaps you are actually not autistic or even neurodivergent or anything even at all…
If you take all of this in, as you are likely to do, then this is an overwhelm all of its own. Never mind the fact that trying to exist as an autistic person will create significant challenges anyway, just through trying to be in the world. Particularly a world which is ever more frightening and divided.
Navigating the Chaos
How can one navigate this? Unsurprisingly, the dangerous conflicts of viewpoints, opinions and narratives against a backdrop of a world in chaos and conflicts too means inevitable meltdowns.
Meltdowns for many may include self-harm.
Meltdowns can result even more powerfully against the backdrop of one’s very identity being called into question. Diagnoses, or recognition of neurodivergence whether officially diagnosed or not, is quite a key identifier! So, if that gets thrown up in the air too, as is happening of late, then where do you land?
Self-harm seems inevitable.
Overwhelm, overload and a brain in spiral. Conflicting emotions against actual world conflicts. Questions, confusions, unable to process…
Shutdown.
Harm of Self; Harm of Identity
Self-harm is not something which could or should ever be taken lightly in this context. A context of extreme fragility of self which may be experienced by many autistic people, especially females. Many of whom may not have ever fitted in anywhere. We may self-harm just to feel. To sense that we even exist. We may self-harm to punish the ‘self’ we cannot find or that has been squashed once again… Or maybe the pain can help us locate something of this elusive self which the world seeks to remove.
Processing Pathways
Perhaps for autistic people self-harm may be even more powerfully experienced given our common inability to filter. Sensorial aspects are amplified in the world in general. So, this will also be true of self-harm, pain, hurt and more. All is too much and self-harm may be the result.
Everyone’s experience of self-harm will be different. Neurodivergent or not. Reasons for self-harm will be complex and multi-layered. The thought processes that lead us there will vary. Or at times, there are no thought processes at all. It is immediate – a reflex, a reaction. Impossible to control with one’s cognition. It just happens. An extreme response to hugely overpowering emotional pain…
For others it is considered, a very deliberate process. For some, they may not actually see it as ‘harm’. It could well be a coping strategy. A mechanism for trying to navigate a constantly and increasingly overwhelming world. Explosive input to our unfiltered brains can often lead to explosive output. Varying in nature; varying in extremes.
Spectrum
Whether immediate or considered; sudden or thoughtful, there will be variations between these two ends of the spectrum. Just as there are variations in the spectrum of neurodivergence and autism.
Yet, within this spectrum, there are characteristics and patterns which unite us. There are overarching aspects that all autistic folk will present with. There are likely similarities of processing, challenge, struggles yet also of empathy, depth, thoughtfulness.
Brain
Aspects of autism are true. They are common amongst us. They may be conveyed or presented to the world differently as each of us is different. However, those core realities of autism and the ways our brain functions are real. Just because some of us may be able to communicate well does not mean all of a sudden that we are not autistic. Our brain action and activity may likely match that of someone who may appear more ‘disabled’ and less able to communicate. It just means one person has somehow learned to be articulate in the predominantly neurotypically focused world and society. It does not make them less autistic. Or the other person more autistic. We are just autistic.
Seen
So, against the backdrop of World Autism Awareness Day and World Autism Acceptance Month – this is a chance to be seen. Awareness is insufficient. It is about acceptance. By the world, yes, but also by ourselves and of ourselves. Acceptance of our self-harm too. We are not a drain on society. We are not something to be neatly removed, with our very brains called into question. We are a people. We are part of the neurodiversity of the planet – encompassing all people, all brains. Whether we harm ourselves. Whether we are all too often harmed by others. Whether we experience both and everything in-between, we are real. We matter and without us, the world would be all the poorer for it.
About Amy: Always considered quirky by default, Amy WP is a late diagnosed, rather complicated and messy autistic! She also has a complex presentation of mental and physical health conditions therefore tries to harness the experience of these to help and speak for others as much as she can. She is committed to co-production, lived experience advisory work and works with a wide range of organisations – the NHS, charities, universities and many more besides. The work is wide ranging – anything from analysis, data, training and shaping outputs to blogging, writing articles and poetry, creating campaigns and assisting with research.
She wishes to make any meaningful difference she is able to for others- advocating for and driving change to make people’s lives better. She hopes that one of the ways she can reach people is through words. Words to connect and resonate.
Stories Archive
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Can drinking alcohol be a form of self-harm?
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Pain and Identity Destruction – ‘Borderline Personality Disorder’ and Self-Harm
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For Physically Disabled People, Self Harm Is Even More Hidden
By Katy Evans. A quick Google search for self-harm and disability leads to many links, all of which are centred around learning disability. This blog