How Do I Tell Someone About My Self-Harm?
Download PDF Resource This resource can help if you’re thinking about telling someone about your self-harm. Telling someone about self-harm can feel difficult and is a brave
Why do people self-harm?
A helpful guide to understanding some of the reasons for self-harm.
There are many reasons someone might self-harm. Those reasons can change over time. What helped you survive at one point in your life may now happen in response to something else.
Self-harm doesn’t happen ‘for attention’ or ‘for no reason’. It usually happens because something feels too much, too painful, too overwhelming – or sometimes, too numbing.
People tell us that self-harm can be a way of:
- Coping with intense emotional pain and making it feel more manageable
- Releasing feelings that are trapped inside, like anger, shame or self-hatred
- Feeling something when everything feels numb
- Feeling real, grounded or present
- Keeping suicidal thoughts from escalating
- Regaining a sense of control in chaotic or unsafe situations
- Responding to intrusive thoughts or voices
- Surviving circumstances that feel impossible
- Cleansing or ridding yourself from a feeling of pollution
For many people, self-harm is not about wanting to die. It’s about trying to cope. Trying to stay. Trying to get through.
Your reasons are your own. They make sense in the context of your life.
In Their Own Words
“The compulsion was like a choice to survive… but the emotional dysregulation had to be contained, or I would have lost my mind. I had to if I was going to survive. At least, that’s what it felt like.”
“I wanted to feel something, but also to feel numb. Wanting to feel in control, but also to be dominated. I think I wanted connection, while at the same time to deny that I was even human.”
These experiences can feel complicated and contradictory. That doesn’t mean they aren’t real. Or valid.
Exploring Your Own Reasons
Understanding what self-harm does for you can help you feel more choice and control around it. This isn’t about judging yourself or forcing change.
If it feels safe to do so, you might reflect on:
- When did I first start harming myself? What was happening in my life then?
- How did self-harm help me cope or survive in the past?
- What feels frightening, overwhelming or hard without it?
- How do I feel just before I hurt myself?
- How do I feel afterwards?
- Are there patterns or situations that increase the urge?
- What feelings might I be expressing, or avoiding?
- What might feel easier in my life without self-harm?
- What would I want more of instead?
Take your time. You don’t have to answer everything at once.
Exploring this can take courage. If self-harm has been part of how you survived, it deserves understanding – not shame.
You are not broken. You adapted. And you deserve support that meets you where you are.
Resources Archive
Talking About Self-Harm – Video from Mind
What is self-harm? – Talking about mental health In this video from Mind, four individuals – Zainab, Lechelle, Debbie and Ben – openly share their
I want to stop hurting myself
Download PDF Resource A helpful guide to reducing and stopping self-harm. This resource can help you if you’re trying to stop self-harming. If you want to
Why do people self-harm?
Download PDF Resource A helpful guide to understanding some of the reasons for self-harm. There are many reasons someone might self-harm. Those reasons can change
What is self-harm?
Download PDF Resource A guide to understanding self-harm, for you or someone you care about. Please be aware this resource mentions ways people harm themselves. What
An Introduction to Mindfulness & Meditation
Download PDF Resource What is Mindfulness? Mindfulness is the practice of staying aware of the present moment and noticing thoughts and feelings as they come