How to Support a Friend Who Self-Harms: A Short Guide for Teens

Finding out a friend self-harms can feel scary or confusing. You might not know what to say or how to help. This guide gives you some simple tips to support them while also looking after yourself. 

What you say matters 

Try to avoid words that sound judging or dismissive, like “it’s not that bad” or “you’re just doing it for attention.” If someone is seeking attention, it usually means they need care or feel alone. 

It’s okay not to have perfect words. Just be kind and let them know you’re there. 

Notice your own feelings 

It’s normal to feel shocked, worried, overwhelmed, or unsure. 
You don’t have to hide those feelings from yourself—just try not to put them onto your friend. 

Take a breath before responding. 

You don’t have to fix everything. 

If there’s a serious injury 

If your friend has: 

• heavy bleeding 

• taken too many pills 

• passed out or can’t stay awake 

Call 999 or get an adult straight away. Stay as calm as you can and stay with them until help arrives. 

Talking to your friend 

Here are some simple things you can do: 

• Let them know it’s okay to talk about self-harm with you. 

• Tell them you’re glad they told you – it takes courage. 

• Remind them they’re not “crazy” or “attention-seeking”, they’re trying to cope. 

• Don’t pressure them to stop. That can make them shut down. 

• Ask what they need in that moment: someone to sit with them, a distraction, a drink of water, etc. 

You can say things like: 

• “Thanks for telling me.” 

• “I’m here for you.” 

• “You deserve support.” 

• “You’re not alone.” 

You don’t need to have answers. Just listening helps. 

Looking after yourself 

Supporting someone who self-harms can be emotionally heavy. 
Make sure you have someone to talk to, another friend, a teacher, a school counsellor, or a trusted adult. 

You deserve support too. 

You don’t have to do this alone 

If you’re worried about your friend’s safety, it’s okay to tell a trusted adult, even if your friend doesn’t want you to. This isn’t betraying them – it’s helping keep them safe.